Why I Need to Stop Acting Like a Pool Guy…

So they’re working on my pool again today. (Have I mentioned we’re putting in a pool? We are. And a hot tub and a water slide and a waterfall and all kinds of other fun things. Sorry if I never mentioned it. Now you’re all caught up.) Finally. And it looks like they are nearing the end. Finally. Of course, I’m sure there will be some new wrinkle or wrench thrown in the works today. That’s how it’s gone since they began almost a month ago – despite the regular assurances that it would only take two weeks. (Yeah, right. And if you believe THAT, I’ve got some lovely property to sell you… Actually I do – we have a house for sale – but that’s another story entirely and I’m already a teensy bit off-track.)

Anyway, thinking about the pool got me thinking about – wait for it – writing. Yes, because everything gets me thinking about writing. (I promise there’s a real connection, that it’s a good one, that it’ll make sense of the whack-o title today, and that it’s coming soon.) It actually got me thinking about progress reports first, and the importance of accountability. That is what led me to writing – because I often feel like I live in a word of zero accountability and absolutely no progress, let alone reports about it. When you write at home, on your own, without deadlines or word requirements or agents calling you asking/begging/yelling about deliverables, it’s startlingly easy to fall into a “oh well, it’ll get done when it gets done” mindset. I’ve fallen like that more than a few times, especially this summer. Sure, it’s true that the kids will only be this age once and that they’ll only want me around to play with for a short time. It’s also true that the world won’t end if I don’t write today, that I deserve time to do what I want too, and that The Husband is also due some TLC every now and again. And all that sounds perfectly reasonable, doesn’t it?

Well that’s what the freaking pool guys probably think too.

I have been fuming every day they didn’t show up, every time they didn’t get something done when they said they would or when I thought it should be done. I hate that they don’t tell me what they’re doing or when or how long it will take; that they don’t keep me apprised of progress every step of the way.

And I do the exact same thing with my writing.

Dammit but I hate when I catch myself being a hypocrite.

All my nice and neat “it’s true” statements above are no different than what they do. I assume things will be fine if I write tomorrow instead of today, that the sun will still rise in the east if I take a day off. They do too. What, after all, is one more day in the grand scheme of things? Now there are obvious differences. Unlike the pool people, no one is paying me to write and then waiting for me to deliver on that payment. Unlike the pool people, I have not made an enforceable legal commitment to produce something in a specified time frame. But still – I have told myself and The Husband that writing is a thing I’m serious about, that I want to have a short story collection and a novel done and shop-around-able by year-end. That may not be an enforceable legal commitment – but it’s a real commitment nevertheless.

So I need to stop acting like a pool guy and start doing what I said I would.

I need to write, seriously, at least five days a week. Even if I don’t feel like it, even if there are other things I’d rather do, even if I’m tired/hungry/surly/bored/antsy/feeling crummy/not feeling creative/wanting to do anything else under the sun… I need to do it first-thing, because I know that if I don’t, there’s a better than fighting chance I won’t do it at all. If I’m going to take a day off, I need to be upfront and honest about it – not just whine and hide while I mess around on the computer, pretending I’m working until the day ends or something unavoidable (which usually translates to kid-related driving around-ness) comes up. I need to be more transparent (god I hate that expression – still gives me corporate flashbacks) about what I’m doing, how it’s proceeding, and what progress looks like. There may not be anyone but me who will bear witness to said transparency (yes, Tracy, that “said” is for you!), but the act of doing it will, in and of itself, create a sense of accountability. (I also need to stop with the corporate-speak soon, because it’s annoying to read AND to write.) And I need to set deadlines, even if they are arbitrary and unenforceable. Even the pool guys gave me a general time-frame. Sure, it was crap. But still – it was something. I’ve got my “year-end” thing floating in my head. That’s a start. But I’ve noticed I’ve already started throwing caveats the size of polo ponies around that time-frame – and if I didn’t like it when the pool guys did it to me, I shouldn’t like it when I do it to me either.

So consider this my commitment letter. In keeping with the spirit of disclosure, tomorrow I’ll fill you in on where things stand with the works in progress. We’ll see where this takes me – I figure, if nothing else, it allowed me to vent about the pool in a semi-constructive way – which is something I’ve NOT been doing a lot of lately. It also got me a blog post (hooray!). And, hopefully, a way to dive a little further in… 🙂